Kittens and kittens

Feeling sad today because my kitten has just had her kittens aborted along with being spayed. I took both kittens (8months, 1 male, 1 female) to be neutered last month but they wouldn't do it until they'd had their immunisations. So they had their first immunisation then and another 3 weeks later when I booked them in for their neutering today. Sometime in the last few weeks the female kitten, Sabrina, had gotten herself pregnant and the father was most likely her brother. The vet said because of the immunisations and the fact that her brother was the father then it would be likely that her kittens would be deformed or have health issues and it would be best to terminate them. So the deed was done today and now Sabrina is in recovery with a very nasty scar along her tummy. Her brother, Salem, has been done too. I know it was the best thing to do, but still feel sad. (Probably big soppy pregnancy hormones in play a little too)

On a brighter note it's my neice's 18th birthday tomorrow and we are all going out for a family meal. I'm still trying to decide wether to take the girls with us. I will fret about them if I don't, they are not used to being left in the evenings, and if I have left them it's been with their dad. If they come I will have to be more alert, but they are generally well behaved so I'm not worried about them playing up. The worst thing will be if they get overtired, then they will just complain to come home. I'm jealous of women who can leave their children and go out and enjoy themselves, it's just not something I've ever been able to do. It caused problems with my ex as he always wanted to go out, but my current partner is ok with not going out much. I do get better when they are older, although past experiences with my older children have made me even more wary. Sadly, I've had a bad experience when I've left them (my older kids) with someone I completely trusted. I know sometimes you have to trust but it's hard especially when it's your children you are trusting people to care for. They're my children and I'm the one who should be looking after them, but does that mean I'm not allowed to enjoy myself occasionally? Oh parenting can be so difficult sometimes.
Whatever I decide at least I know there is a nice meal to be had, and one I don't have to cook or wash up after.