It started in the morning when Graham go up and asked me when I'd got my new top. I told him I'd wore it to the Christening on Sunday but he swore he'd never seen it before. He was adamant until I showed him a photo of me at the christening in said top. I don't know why but I couldn't stop thinking about why he hadn't noticed what I was wearing.
Later we were at the shops about to seperate to go into different stores when his mobile rang and it was Craige for me (I'd left my mobile in my other jacket at home.) I took his phone with me while Craige rambled on about the cat bringing a bird into the house. Oh, I said, that's a bad omen!
While waiting for Graham to catch up with me I just felt the urge to nosey around his mobile and came accross a series of messages from Sunday to my friend.
It started as friendly flirting, they'd been sent after the christening and after I'd gone to bed. Then the flirting got stronger 'You looked so sexy today babe' 'yeah I know, I always do, lol'
Then, 'can I come around yours?' 'nah man, you got a mrs and she's really nice' 'yeah I know, sorry'
10 minutes later..... 'if I was single would you?'
I felt sick and shaky. Why does he have to do this? The first time it was his mate playing a joke, yes, I really fell for that! The second was not so easy to get out of, page after page of sickening MSN messages on his laptop as he hadn't known they were all automatically saved. We split for a couple of days after that, but I took him back because he didn't actually meet up with her. Then there was a series of flirty texts to a friend he was supposedly fixing his brother up with. I didn't know her but apparently he had gone to school with her and they swapped mobile numbers over Facebook. Like a fool I gave him one last chance.
He blew it!
'We haven't done anything for two months' he told her. (It's been 3 weeks) That's because our baby keeps me awake most of the night and I'm surviving on 3-4 hours sleep, I told him to come to bed with me at 11pm if he wants some because I just can't summon up the need at 3am when he's finished on his PS3.
So he's moved into his mum's until he can find somewhere to live. He was always around there anyway.
And I have to carry on as normal. I have to go around the school and see my friend, 20 yrs younger than me, and think of how he wanted her more than he cared for our relationship. She came to me in tears, 'I'm sorry I flirted back, I was a bit drunk, I didn't mean anything' 'It's ok' I said 'at least you turned him down'
Always forgiving, always soft, I can hear my mum saying you need a spine.
So now I'm a single mum again. Last time I had a family, I had friends, I was working and I had my youth. I found it really hard but I survived. I have none of that now and right at this minute, no will to survive.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry. You sound like a lovely person who doesn't deserve to be treated like that. You will stay strong for your children, that's what we do. Ask for help when you need it x
Anne, I realy am so sorry to read this. What a complete and utter loser he is. I am afraid that he cant help himself and you wont be able to trust him. Being a single Mum is tough, but so is being in a realtionship, and I am sorry but it does sound like he was a bit like a big as well (I know I have one of those at home). Take care of yourself x x x
Dear Anne ~ altho' I'm only here in cyber space I'd consider you a friend, one of many years now too. Don't feel that you have no one because alot of people care about you. I'm sure you'll find it in you to make it through this ~ you've survived worse my lovely ~ and I wonder if it will actually be easier now with only yourself to consider. I preferred being on my own if I'm honest as I used to cope alot better than being with someone who was quite frankly hard work and who actually just added to my already huge load.
Take the very best of care and one day at a time xxx Much love.
Sharon xx
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