I'm struggling at the moment. After being on a high for so long it's horrible to think that the dark cloud is trying to reappear. I really don't want it and am fighting it all the way. Will I win? It's always got me before, but I've still got so much good going on and to look forward too. Surely that will help me keep it at bay?
I hate the voices in my head, the negativity, the despair. Why bother, why continue, what is the point of everything?. Wouldn't everyone be better off if I just went away and never came back? I am hounded on a daily basis and kept awake at night. In the meantime I try to carry on like nothing is wrong and I'm pretty good at that, except that it makes me highly strung, so don't cross me!
I still wish I could go away somewhere peaceful, somewhere where I could be with my little ones without anyone interfering. I would be so less stressed out all the time. I can cope with demanding little people, it's demanding adults I can't cope with. Even if I had the opportunity my guilt at leaving the others behind would eat me up.
They say if someone is making your life miserable then get them out of your life. It's not that easy. I would feel so guilty, I doubt that removing them from my life would make me feel any better.
I guess I don't have a backbone?
3 comments:
((Anne)) on the contrary I think you need a backbone to stay. I agree that at times just removing the 'offending article' or leaving seems like the best option but, as you rightly say, you'd probably just be replacing one lot of emotional stress with another.
Is there any further news on your potential rehousing?? A bigger place would give you all a bit of much needed space, both emotionally and physically.
I hope this black cloud soon lifts. Do you still go to church? If so this is a good time to lean on your faith maybe? If there's anything I can do then just contact me even if it's just to offload or share...
Sending love and encouragement.
Sharon xx
Thanks for your kind words Sharon xx
despite being top of the list for a new house I check every week but there is hardly anything there, particularly in the areas we'd like to move to, and I have to think about my little ones growing up.
Yes, I do still go to church, the congregation are my 'other' family and I always feel more at peace after service. :)
I loved the honesty with which you have written this post. It shows how even the strongest of people can be so vulnerable at times.
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